I thought time would fix it.
It’s strange how we can push pain down for years, thinking we’re handling it—until we’re not. This post is more personal than I usually write. In advance, thank you for listening.
I have fond memories of The Simpsons. I realize that in some Christian circles, that’s not exactly an approved confession. Thankfully, I’m past worrying about fitting into all the circles (it’s impossible if you think about it).
My younger brother and I—who passed away almost three years ago—watched The Simpsons together when he was in high school and I was in college. We’d watch episodes together during school breaks or separately and then discuss them, picking apart the humor, the absurdity, and sometimes, the unexpected depth. One episode became ours.
It was Moaning Lisa (1990). In it, Marge gives Lisa advice on handling sadness:
“It doesn't matter how you feel inside, you know. It's what shows up on the outside that counts. Take all your bad feelings and push them down, all the way down past your knees, until you're almost walking on them. And then you'll fit in, and you'll be invited to parties, and boys will like you. And happiness will follow.”
Before the episode ended, Marge recanted her advice and encouraged Lisa to feel. But in our family, feelings weren’t encouraged. So we laughed, noting how we had heard the same message in our family (without the recant), but we didn't realize that we too tried to stuff all our hurts into our toes.
And the truth is, most people do the same. Our culture teaches myths about loss and grief—just keep moving forward, stay strong, let go and let God, and don’t dwell on it. The desire to be easygoing and likable makes it even easier to bury what hurts.
But buried things don’t disappear.
The Weight of Unresolved Loss
The heart can only carry so much. Over the years, we collect many losses—some life-altering, others quieter but still heavy. The loss of loved ones, whether through death or ended relationships. The loss of pets, jobs, trust, roles, dreams, and unmet expectations. Each one leaves a unique mark on us.
Sometimes, it’s just one more loss that topples you. Mine was like that. I had been carrying so much already, pushing through, keeping busy, believing that time alone would somehow heal the pain. But it doesn’t work that way.
Unresolved hurts and grief don’t just fade—they keep us feeling stuck. It’s like carrying around a backpack full of rocks, of different shapes and sizes. We push on, weighed down but convinced that if we just keep going, we’ll eventually feel lighter. Women are experts at this. And women with ADHD? We tend to minimize our grief and pain, telling ourselves we’re making too much of it. We dismiss it, try to move on, and wonder why we still feel burdened.
Finding Another Way
Sometimes we mistake talking about it for healing. We relive the pain, tell the same stories, and assume that if we process it enough, we’ll eventually feel better. But ruminating—going over the loss again and again—isn’t the same as healing. It doesn’t bring peace; it just keeps us stuck.
I needed a way to walk through loss, to move through grief rather than carrying it the same way. I found a real, practical process for healing, and it changed everything for me. It wasn’t therapy or counseling. In fact, years ago, a therapist suggested I might be holding unresolved grief—something I had never considered. But when I asked what I could do about it, there wasn’t an answer. I felt the same frustration when clients shared similar struggles.
That’s why my experience with the Grief Recovery Method was so powerful. It provided the action steps I had been searching for. It inspired me so much that I became certified through the Grief Recovery Institute. Now, as a Grief Recovery Specialist, I can share this process with others—because healing shouldn’t be a mystery, and none of us should have to navigate loss alone.
If this resonates with you, and you’re curious and open, I have two spots open for a seven-week 1:1 pilot program, where I walk with you through each step right by your side. Please reach out if you'd like to learn more.
Thanks for reading.
With warmth and grace,
Kerri
"Time only passes, it does nothing. It is what we do within time that affects the quality of our lives." - Grief Recovery Method
